KBR 2-Step

Kellogg Brown and Root, AKA Haliburton, has a food contract with the military at various FOBs in the war zones. (Oooooooo, mercenaries.). Better to pay a cook you can fire at the cessation of hostilities than to have a bunch of extra cooks sitting around in uniform for 20 years, ante-bellum.

I have buddies and relatives overseas now or recently that report the food gives them the scoots. The Tijuana Two Step. The trots.

The food goes right through them. And they complain. As is their right.

But the trigger pullers on patrol eat Meals Ready to Eat for extended periods. One of the properties of MREs is their ability to bind you right up. Intentional or no, the theory is, if don't have to go, the bad guys don't catch you with your pants down. Literally. [There are rumors that they put Salt Peter in MREs, too, so the war fighters ardor is becalmed, and they spend more time thinking about winning a battle, staying alive, and accomplishing a mission than thinking about screwin'. Might be true, might not. But the 'pants down' thing applies.]

Anyway, so a bound up grunt come back with a rock in his lower Gastro Intestinal tract, and KBR obliges him with food that gives him a bit of a Spring Cleaning. It goes together like peas and carrots. Sweet, blessed, relief. Anything to support/help/relieve the trigger pullers on the tip of the spear is a good thing, even if it does inconvenience the Rear Echelon folks. So I am sure the properties of the various delectables are intentional. One food is red light, one is GREEN LIGHT, OUTTA MY WAY, EMERGENCY, OH PLEASE BE TERLET PAPER IN THE PORTA-POTTY.

"Hey Fred, do you have any TP in your stall?"

"Uh. No."

"Me neither. Do you have 5 $1's for a $5?"

What? It's just a theory.