Saturday, September 12, 2009

Professor Know It All

JayG tried to be a good Samaritan and finally put some controversial gun questions to bed, once and for all. While a nice effort, he did have one little flaw. ALL of his answers are WRONG! I feel it my civic duty to help ol' Jay G out.


Q. What's the best gun for my girlfriend/wife/best friend's mother/invalid uncle/etc.?

A. You get quite a bit more BTU per cord with hardwoods over softwoods, generally, and the softwoods can be a bit more 'creosotey' Get White Oak or Ash in your East Coast region if you can. Avoid Cottonwood at all costs.


Q. What's the best "carry gun"?

A. Have you tried a hot bath? Maybe a walk around the block? In the future try to drink more fruit juices and eat whole grain bread products. Avoid cheese and other dairy if you can. And, for all that is HOLY, stop eating green plastic army men.


Q. Glock or 1911?

A. Yes.


Q. Which is the better caliber, 9mm vs. .45 ACP?

A. A good way to remember is the saying, "Spring forward and Fall back." You set your clocks ahead one hour in the Springtime, and back an hour in Autumn.


Q. Which is the better battle rifle, the AK-47 or the AR-15?

A. I find whisking a couple tablespoons of tap water into the omelette helps make it fluffy and stay together better. More so than cream or milk. Also, salt the eggs after cooking.


Q. If I'm faced with a goblin/multiple goblins, would I be better off firing a warning shot first?

A. Nowadays, hardly anyone knows how to 'lead' a car. If someone intends to patch a hole they will use Bondo. Even that is becoming rare, and just replacing the whole damaged panel is the usual way to go. If you insist on lead, check with old time car enthusiasts and the like.


Well, I'm glad I was able to help put to bed some of those age old controversies once and for all. Let me know if you need any other help, Jay.


Another Gun Guy Brian said...

Up late and drinking Tbolt?

I spit coffee on my monitor laughing. Thanks.

Museice said...

I read you daily and this was a great post! Now if you were going to whisk your eggs with an assault rifle just remember to clean the barrel after you're done.

The Tarquin said...

Q. Glock or 1911?

A. Yes.

This is BY FAR the best answer I've ever seen to this question.

My personal answer has always been: "Why thank you, I'll take one of each."